The fact that we were both crazy is what I think what kept us so close. You were my unflattering half and yet I spent all my time with you. My grasp on reality is what kept you sane and your wild carelessness is what kept me alive. And we were both hopeless and that’s what was beautiful.
Lets paint the picture of summer. Summer evenings. Right before the sunset, barefoot in an empty parking lot, the pavement still warm from the sun. Getting high and not just on life. We would get in your car and drive everywhere after sunset, right when the stars became visible. I’d lay the seat back all the way and roll the windows down. Blare music you didn’t entirely know but you didn’t care because the vibes told you to relax. We would drive until we got lost. Flying down roads, my hair flying out the window, I knew the way you looked at me, their was adventure in your eyes.
You looked out for me and trust me I needed it. We were both wild but you keep me rational. Told me I needed to come home but some days it was hard for both of us. I still think to this day if you showed up at my door and told me you were leaving the country, I’d probably leave with you.
I can’t even tell you how many time we followed the moon at night. Finally making it home at 1am, yanking the steering wheel while you drove because that swift jerk made my heart skip a beat and you let me do it. You were more prone to be serious while I stayed playful. The vision of me hanging my arm out the window, serenading the stars, glancing over to seeing you driving, focused on the road but at somewhat in peace in those moments.
I think our falling out began when we both put pressure on each other to grow up for a second. To stop being so reckless. There were days when I could have killed you but you would have liked it and I didn’t want to see you happy. But I think I got off on lashing out on you and watching you walk away. Knowing you’d always come back, I don’t know there was just some thrill and playing games with you. And you got off on scolding me like some reckless child that needed parenting. Treating me like I was smaller than you. That you knew everything and what I was doing was careless. And I was being careless but so were you.
I still drink to the thought of you sometimes. We’re pretty bad for each other. If there was ever a day when we both wanted to throw everything away and just leave, then we’d be perfect for each other. And there is something comforting in knowing that I have that with you but if we want to grow we may need to just travel on our own for awhile.
There hasn’t been a day that I’ve stopped loving you darling. I care for you in a way that’s indescribable. If something ever happened to you, I’d be lost, and not in the way I’d like to be.
You’re going to be great my love.