It’s that time of year again. Where crippling depression of December decides to show its face. Honestly I don’t think there has ever really been a time where I enjoyed the holidays. I think my ex boyfriend’s family achieved the highest for ever making me feel at home during the holidays.
This year it’s much different. I mean here I am sitting in a dark room, on a pillow on the the floor debating if I’m still making the best decisions. To be honest at this point I’m not sure if I’m where I’m supposed to be. I feel so alone. In a house where I’ve only known these people for 3 months. I still feel like a stranger. I can’t comfortably be myself. I hardly even talk anymore. I feel as if I’m nothing more than a ghost that is merely visiting a home in which I’m welcome but still feel lost.
It’s hard feeling homesick when I really have no place to call home. I miss my cat, Rajah. He stills resides at my old home. There’s nothing I want more than a place of my own. Where no one will make me feel small. To make me feel crazy and unwanted. It’s just another one of those days where I’m really starting to lose sight of my existence and I know that it’s only temporary. It also doesn’t make it any easier that the closest person to me in my life, can’t even grasp a hold on their own emotions let alone even think of mine.
I guess all I can do is realize how much I took what I had for granted and move on. To hope for better days and knowing winter is near, I take shelter in warm arms, as i cry softly in the darkness of midnight. I remind myself that feelings are only temporary and all things pass with time.
Everything will be okay.